My scores are my own estimates, based on how I would be perceived by others.
DEMERITS
- Slow in coming to bed -- delays til husband is almost asleep.*
Well, effectively, I suppose: I have more to do to prepare for sleep (remove contacts, gather medicine to take before bed, set up medicine and drink for morning taking, use bathroom, etc.) and he falls asleep in about as much time as a commercial break takes -- whereas I take an hour or so. This is actually a source of disappointment for me, because I love to fall asleep with him; I grow lonely when he's already snoozing and I can't keep from tossing about in pain. My score: -1.
* The subtext here varies. The woman may be delaying so as to avoid being subject to sex at the end of her day. But then, she may have plenty more to do than her husband does (such as Merit #7!) or is even aware of -- setting out clothing for the children, finishing up the dishes, tidying up loose toys and such. A housewife's job is never done, and if she were to neglect these things to be in bed in a timely fashion (that is, at her husband's whim), she would surely see a demerit for it. - Doesn't like children. (5)*
I could see being interpreted as not liking children, myself; I'm not really very good with other people's children (and I have none of my own, yet). A huge part of that in my past is simply my social anxiety. But when it comes to children I know, I'm just fine, and I know I will be with my own. And that's no different than many other women. My score: 0.
* Whoo boy! I'm surprised this isn't an instant disqualification. Besides, it's no wonder a woman wouldn't like children in such times; she carries the entire responsibility for another sentient being, over whom she will not be able to exert absolute control no matter what she does -- who wants to be on the line like that? - Fails to sew on buttons or darn socks regularly.*
Well, shoot! Regularly? Matt asked me the other day if I could fix a hole in his jacket pocket, and I told him that basically, I can sew a straight line for a couple inches, and that's about it. And it won't be pretty either, so it's a good thing it's inside a pocket! Buttons are the easiest thing in the world, tho'. My score: 0.
* I suppose the deconstruction here is quite easy; she needs to keep herself busy with womanly things, making sure that no sign of humanity is ever to be seen on her husband or children -- it would reflect poorly on her. So soon as one stitch comes loose, it is to be mended. - Wears soiled or ragged dresses and aprons around the house.*
He's lucky if I wear anything around the house. When I do, it's usually a comfortable chemise, which protects my sensitive breasts from any light contact (which is excruciating to me), hides the "naughty" bits, allows freedom of movement, and doesn't restrict my sore shoulders or hips. Pants come off immediately when I arrive home; they're too painful to keep on. But this is simply inappropriate around children, so I'm sure I wouldn't score so well. My score: -1.
* Consider everything a woman was required to do in her day, while at the same time remaining perky and pretty. For whose benefit? The words "effortless perfection" comes to mind. - Wears red nail polish.*
Or any nail polish at all. I keep my nails short, a habit held over from my violinning days. That alone probably suffices, though. My score: -1.
* Tart! Jezebel! Wicked woman! Too subversive. And hey, if she is to remain perfectly decorative every minute of every day, who says she can have her own fun with it? - Often late for appointments. (5)*
HA! I try to leave myself a buffer of time before any "appointment" and still often arrive barely-on-time or outright late. It comes with the fibromyalgic territory, unfortunately. My score: -5.
* Again, consider everything the woman has to do in her day. Is this appointment, say, church? She had to prepare every screaming, writhing child to be presentable in public in their Sunday Best and then prepare herself! But she best not inconvenience anyone, after all. - Seams in hose often crooked.*
Hose at all? I don't wear them, except as an extra layer to keep myself warm in the winter (and not entirely willingly -- the things are a pain through and through). But I know, culturally, wearing tights is a habit fast fading, so I'm not exactly being subversive here. But there are plenty of other fashionable faux paus' to be had for the modern women: I've given up on hiding my bra straps in a tank top, even though it's coded "trashy." My score: -1.
* Must appear neat and put-together at all times. Have you, the reader, especially if you are male, ever tried to wear a pair of pantyhose? Getting them on, much less with straight seams, is a quarter-hour struggle. And once they're on, there is no simple re-straightening of the seams; you have to start all over again. Some time, when no one is at home and you know you have an hour to yourself, try to put on a pair of your own, if you never have before. You will have a new appreciation for the demands women faced every day. - Goes to bed with curlers on her hair or much face cream.*
Or goes to bed with the bed hair she woke up with that morning! I don't often fret with these things. My score: 0.
* And yet she was to have beautiful curly hair and perfectly smooth and radiant skin when she awoke the next morning. Effortless... - Puts her cold feet on husband at night to warm them.*
I laughed at this. I've done it. More recently, I've tried to warm his cold feet and been turned away, lol. My score: -1.
* Shades of "frigid," anyone? This shows a lack of consideration for her husband's comfort, and also draws his attention to her comfort, which is simply unacceptable. Suffer in silence, dear. - Is a back seat driver.*
Only slightly, although my husband might disagree. My score: 0.
* Who wants to take orders from a woman? And how presumptuous of her to claim to know what is best for a man. Women should be seen, but not heard. - Flirts with other men at parties or in restaurants. (5)*
I'm a happy, mildly social person, which under current contexts might render me "flirtatious." But I think most people would see things more fairly. And besides, how often am I ever at parties or restaurants? My score: 0.
* Insouciant! Infidelity is one of the endless deadly sins for a woman in such a time. Of course, flirting may simply be a smile or a thank you, or engagement in light but fun conversation, or appearing to enjoy herself with any male person within a short distance. But, of course, a lack of these things would be a sign of a cold and inconsiderate woman, who doesn't know her place. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. - Is suspicious and jealous. (5)*
Not so much, to my eyes anyhow. Then again, we both spend every spare minute together, so we both know most of everything the other does, which could count. My score: 0.
* Again, she fails to realize her place. Who gave her the right to question her husband's actions? Doesn't she have enough to tend to without sticking her nebby nose into his affairs? His business is his alone; she has no right to it, to even know of it. But (see Merit #9) her business is subject to his notice and review, every detail, at all times.
MERITS
- A good hostess -- even to unexpected guests.*
Hardly! Every moment of interaction with outside persons is planned. Every time I step foot outside my home, it is planned for far in advance. Double so for a person coming into my home. It simply requires far too much preparation. I would never be able to be ready at a moment's notice for anything at all. My score: 0.
* No moment to herself, always open to intrusion (which, of course, isn't considered intrusion -- she is effectively public property), always pretty, always happy, her home always neat and tidy, her children always pleasant and behaving, a warm meal always ready on the stove. She has no time available to stop being what everyone else needs her to be, and just be. - Has meals on time.*
I don't even cook the meals around here. My score: 0.
* There ought be no inconvenience to the man of the house; not only need he not be the one to prepare his meal, he need not even be aware of any preparation whatsoever. If there is any wait, he has been wronged. - Can carry on an interesting conversation.*
Depends on who it is I'm talking to. But for the most part, yes. My score: 1.
* Keep in mind this conversation shouldn't be too interesting; can't intimidate a man with any sign of intellect. Best to keep to safe topics of conversation, like children and weather and beauty (but without turning to gossip) and stay out of anything "serious" -- which is of course only things that concern men. - Can play a musical instrument, as piano, violin, etc.*
I played violin for eight years and sat first chair until my disability began to catch up with me, at which time I quit. I could probably play on the level of a second-year violin student if I were to pick up and try right now. My violin is a treasured item, though; I'm still trying to figure out how to "display" it without seeming weird. My score: 1.
* Of course, now, in addition to childrearing, housecleaning, meal preparation, and other such necessities, she need be ready at any moment to perform entertainment for others. At least this is something she could draw some enjoyment out of -- but of course, were she to wish to study an instrument and actually do something with her skill, she would likely be rebuffed and reminded of her place. - Dresses for breakfast.*
I know that this means "dresses for the day before breakfast," but I'm going to take it literally, in which case: No. I have sat at the kitchen table to eat breakfast with my -- clothed -- husband, myself entirely disrobed. And it's not really the exception to the rule. My score: 0.
* Again: must remain pretty and decorative every moment of every day. Don't subject the family to her messy hair, baggy eyes and droopy tired face -- why would they want to see such a thing? - Neat housekeeper -- tidy and clean.*
Hardly. Again, I work half the time my husband does, and he still does at least half the housework. And the place looks it, too. My score: 0.
* Be available at all hours to clean up after husband and children who can't be bothered to do it their own selves; allow no disarray. If you've never tried this, it is an exhausting job. Not to mention matters of simple entropy: dust collecting on the furniture and so on. - Personally puts children to bed.*
My "children" know when it's bedtime, and they put themselves to "bed": Mitsy on top of my nightstand, and Buddy in the cubby hole on the bottom of it. :) My score: 0.
* This is a nice touch for the children, but it's also a difficult job. It's also telling that the father is nowhere to be seen here. Can't be bothered, after all; there are more important matters to tend to. - Never goes to bed angry, always makes up first. (5)*
I try not to go forward angry, bedtime or not: if something is wrong, I want to talk it through, so that we can understand each other better, and hopefully see resolution. But that doesn't mean I haven't had those nights myself. I do think, though, we are very good in handling any issues that come up between us. But because of what I feel this really means -- below -- I can't really give myself a positive score. My score: 0.
* There are two interpretations of the latter half of that sentence: always makes up before going to bed -- or always makes up before her husband does. And honestly, the latter is probably the more accurate. The woman is expected to humbly submit to the husband, admitting her wrong, and accepting any berating to follow. Even if the husband realizes he was wrong in fact, he cannot admit as much, because it would be emasculating to cede ground to a woman. And besides, her anger is a nuisance; the more quickly she lets it go (read: buries it inside), the better. - Asks husband's opinions regarding important decisions and purchases.*
We both do. It works for us. My score: 1.
* Of course, the husband is the primary decisionmaker in the family, so to neglect to seek his counsel on a matter is to deliberately flout his authority. It's not so much a matter of trust as it is a matter of (perceived intended) insult to his rule. - Good sense of humor -- jolly and gay.*
I do tend to be a pretty happy person; as I've said in the past, you know I am not doing well when I am in public and not smiling. This is for any number of reasons, large part of which is just my personality, but not therefore free of influence from family and society. My score: 1.
* Wouldn't want to remind anyone of her humanity, after all. The woman is an object, her personhood disregarded. No matter how her day as gone, how others have treated her, what may have gone wrong, how large a burden she carries on her (slender and smooth) shoulders, she is to appear bright and pleasant. She cannot serve as a distraction. Besides, her matters are not of importance when compared to anyone else's -- it's simple insubordination to presume otherwise. As such, they are to be kept inside, so that no one can even know they exist. - Religious -- sends children to church or Sunday school and goes herself.*
I am a religious person, but my efforts at finding a church here in my new home have been nil. Do you really think I'd be able to force myself up every Sunday morning with children? My score: 0.
* Notice the father's absence here. Of course, the appearance must be maintained at the church that the family comes as a family, with the father's guidance -- but in reality, the responsibility for getting there lies with the wife. And in reality, the responsibility for maintaining that holy image lies, again, with the wife: she must be perfect herself, of course, but her children must also be -- if they are not, it is a reflection on her mothering -- and her husband must also be -- if he is not, it is because she is not pretty enough, gay enough, sexy enough, submissive enough, perfect enough. Spirituality is an incredibly gendered topic, much moreso than many realize. - Lets husband sleep late on Sundays and holidays.*
Oh hell. He wakes me up early on weekends! (That is, before 10-11AM.) My score: 1.
* Wait a second, aren't they supposed to be at church? And isn't there supposed to be hot breakfast ready the moment he wakes, and isn't she supposed to be dressed and made up for the day when he does? And shouldn't the children also be awake and readied to eat with him, as a family -- but without making enough noise to wake him early? And...
TOTAL MERITS: 5.
So my score so far is ... 5. Which puts me under "Very Poor (Failures)."
Sorry, honey.
via
ETA: Go see the entire list over at taryn's. My ending score is a +2. Impressive!
