There's been a bit of fuss over whether it is acceptable to consider political differences when deciding who to date (or fuck, or marry).

I am a bleeding heart, far-left liberal, sometimes-radical-leaning feminist (hairy legs and all), Democratic-primary-voting woman who believes politics matter. My husband is a self-described libertarian—yeah, the sort who's too cool to identify with the conservative movement, although he has definite conservative leanings—attended a private conservative Christian college, leans far relativist history geek who doesn't keep up much with politics because he doesn't think they make much of a difference.

We get along just fine, and I admire the hell out of him. Why?

Our value systems match up. Those values may translate into somewhat different beliefs, but I know that in the end his beliefs are coming from a good place. I think he'd be likely to identify as feminist (or feminist supporting, if you prefer) if it weren't for all the negative cultural trappings around the term—based on his beliefs and his actions.

He treats people with respect and courtesy. He has no desire to interfere in the rights of others to live their lives as they wish. He stays far away from conversations about Those People (teh gays, teh Muslims, teh blacks or others). And, again, he regards others with respect, a true, deep respect for who they are and what they need. I can sense the difference between "I'll make nice to your face, but I still have a base disdain for you" prevalent on the right and "You have a right to define yourself on your own terms and fight for basic equality and respect, and I support you in that fight" -- and his is definitely the latter.*

It is entirely possible to live with political differences in intimate relationships.

However, our politics rise out of our value systems, and when you get down to it, you can not live with someone who has a value system that is incompatible with your own.

*(This is not to say he does not benefit from privilege or hold beliefs I believe are wrong -- or that I hold beliefs he believes are wrong. We can have a hearty debate, for sure. But I believe that in the end, in our goals and our basic values, he and I are on the same page.)